about

I go to Missouri on the 24th of May. I know I’m not gonna have my dream body by then. I’ve accepted that. But, I think because of that I just don’t care to even try now, if that makes sense? Like I’m just lazy and tired all the time. I have no idea why. But I just don’t want to work out and eat healthy. Actually no the working out I’m fine with, but eating healthy I just can’t do. I’m too picky. I can’t have chicken for every meal of everyday. And everything I eat I’m scared that it’s not healthy enough and I’m just wasting my time. I am now up to 190 pounds, and I have no one to blame but myself. 

ugh. 

So, as most of you know, I’m a HUGE pasta & bread person. Like every meal, everyday. I could have pasta every night and not think twice about it. I’m trying to cut it down to one night a week [Not including Mac & Cheese as a side for some meals] Anyways, I’m trying to do some research on the best breads & pastas out there, and I need some opinions. Right now, I’ve narrowed it down to three for pasta:

Original Blue Box Barilla: [Penne, I’ve kept the kind of pasta the same for comparison purposes]

Barilla Whole Grain Penne:

Barillia PLUS Penne:

I’m having a hard time picking which one to eat. I no longer count calories, but I’m still concious of them. And Yes, I know, lower in calories isn’t always better, but after so long of counting it’s hard not to do that. So, the original & whole grain has the least calories. [200 compared to 2010, which isn’t that big of a deal] Original has the least fat, and no sodium, which is another thing I’m becoming conscious of.. PLUS has the least amount of carbs, which is a big thing for me, since I eat carbs like it’s my job. PLUS & Whole grain have bigger serving sizes [1/7 of a box compared to 1/8] Now, I’ve already tried spaghetti squash to try and cut out pasta completely, and I hated it. So out fo these, which is the best for me?

My brother’s going away drinking party is tonight. While getting ready my mom looked and me and said what’s wrong. I replied with ‘I hate going out.’ She says “Since When?” I said “Since I realized I’m fat.” She replies with “Oh.”, and proceeds to walk away. Nothing else. No saying anything against it or trying to make me feel better. 100% positive if my darling little sister said the same thing she would proceed to calm her down, and tell her she’s not. 

Annoyed right now, and planning on going to drink my problems away tonight. 

Honestly. I decided to go back and just do it. It hurts to see the scale go up. But I can’t quit. You guys motivate me so much. You’re amazing. <3

I know I shouldn’t. I’m only on day five of it. I started it, and then gave up within the first set of strength. I have no motivation to do it right now. Or ever, actually. I’m just in this spot where I don’t think I’ll lose weight. I know it’s bad and not really accurate, but I weighed myself, and I’ve gained two pounds since I started it, and I just feel exhausted. I can’t do as much. I hate it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. So I just don’t see the point. 

Still did 30 day shred.
Didn’t go to the gym. And now binging on BBQ chicken, fries, and mozzarella sticks.

Ughhh

My boyfriend is seriously the LAZIEST person I know. Like I can’t even. I’m so mad right now. 

Him: ‘Babe let’s go to the gym on Monday. I know I won’t want to cause of work, but I need to lose weight.’

Me: ‘Really?! Yay!’

Monday Comes….

Him: ‘I’m tired. Work Sucked. I was running around all day. I don’t want to go to the gym.’

Me: ‘ASDFGGHJKL;’

Like ugh. This happens. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY. I’M SO SICK OF IT. 

Completely kicked my ass. I had to stop pretty much after every single exercise, except for abs, to catch my breathe though. After about 6 minutes, I got completely frustrated by myself that I just turned it off. After about 30 seconds I told myself, NO. If I want to lose weight and get healthy I can’t just quit. So I turned it back on, and finished the damn thing. I wanted to throw up at some points, and even cry. But I stuck to it. The next 29 days are gonna kick my ass. 

It all goes back to the quote that’s like ‘It’s okay to cry or puke, but don’t ever quit.’ Does any know how that goes?

Weight: 186.6 LBS.

Bust: 40”

Waist: 42.5”

Thighs: 26”

Neck: 14”

Calf: 14”

Arm: 15”

I’ll check back in with you guys in 30 Days! (:

I’ve heard a lot of good reviews on it. I have a TON of workout DVDs, and I still go to the gym, but I’ve heard amazing things about the 30 Day Shred, so I’m thinking I’m gonna try that. I tried doing Insanity, and I failed after a week. I think this will be a good stepping stone into that. Have any of you guys tried it? Any tips? Did you get good results? 

I totally binged out today. I started off really healthy. Then, I got my period, and had a bunch of cravings. I just ate four small chicken wings. 1/4 of a pizza, a shit ton of Doritos, pop, like five reeses, oreos, and two donuts. all for dinner. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I’m so mad right now.

1. Get Down To 175.— I’m trying to lower this each month, since I’m setting myself up so high. I’m just starting out. I’m never going to lose 10 pounds in a month. So, let’s go with five.

2. Read Two New Books-- I’ve barely read anything new since the new year, and that kills me.

3. Have $300 In My Savings Account— This one is rolled over. I’ve been really bad about that. Right now I have $165, so halfway there!

4. Eat Out Only Once A Week-- As you guys saw my last post, Adam & I spent over $385 in just two weeks from eating out at places. Disgusting. 

5. Go To The Gym 3 Times A Week, At Least--I haven’t been to the gym in like a month. Come on now.

6. Mile Down To 20 Minutes— Running hates me, and I hate it. There you go. 

7. Take Better Care Of My Body/Face/Teeth— I need to start washing my face everyday, and using my lotions and stuff. 

Previous March Goals:

1. Get down to 170 lbs: I’m at 180 now, so I think ten pounds should be okay.  Obviously this didn’t happen.

2. Get my mile down to 15 minutes on the treadmill: I can do a 13 minute mile on an elliptical, but I want to get in on the treadmill. I’m doing better, but I think twenty minutes should be an achievable goal. 

3. Have $300 in my savings account: Since Adam & I are going to Disney in September  I NEED to start saving. I know hotel, tickets, & flight put together, but I need to start saving. Maybe I’ll post all the costs, and that will help. Money sucks. End of story.

4. Try more healthy food: This one is a HUGE thing for me. I am such a picky eater, so trying new food is going to KILL me, but I need to try. I did do this one. I tried spaghetti squash. Gross.

5. Workout at least 4 times a week: No brainer there. Nope.

6. Read at least three new books: I’m supposed o read like 50 books by the end of the year, and I’m currently at one. Need to get on that.  Again, Nope.

7. Get my plank time up to 45 seconds: I cannot do a plank to save my life. I can barely do 30 seconds, so 45 will kill me, but I want to try. Planks & I don’t get along.

I really did not do well this past month. I’ve been slacking so badly, and I need to get my ass in gear. I’m going on vacation at the end of May. I need to look good. I need to feel good. No more wasting time. No more excuses. Let’s do this.